Yesterday totally sucked. I hadn't slept at all because I was writing the paper and making the slide show for presentation (that's what you get when you leave everything for the very last moment), so I felt sick and feeble already, but then the stupidest thing happened - the contact lens broke inside my eye. You know, how stressing that is? When you have to present your work at university and you have problems with your vision, red teary eye, besides you're not sure have you taken out all the bits of that damned broken shit?
Then the professor who loves me so much she can't leave me alone for a minute, absolutely criticized me, seeing nothing but flaws in my work. I felt so bad about the eye, I couldn't argue (which is the thing I usually do - I argue with foams on my lips ). After my presentation and all the critics, she said that she could put me the highest mark (go figure), but she won't. Why? Because I'm not emotionally active! What da...? She thinks that I'm nihilistic, apathetic and ultimately negative person. Does that give her rights to value my work differently? Besides I act apathetically only at school because I am bored, I hate that place, it's obligation to me to be there. Every friend of mine would swear I'm the funniest person in the "gang".

But the weirdest thing is that I knew that this thing with lens will happen. As I usually foresee things. I curse myself for not listening to my inner voice. Of course, I don't see visions, it comes like an idea to me, sometimes persistent, repeating thought, sometimes it's a flash. And those ideas are incorrect, they don't come true perfectly the way I have thought, but they come true anyway. Twisted, crippled.
Because of this "prophet" thing some of my friends have started avoiding me. Anything bad I say, almost always happens. Lately I'm afraid to talk, even to think.
What do you think, is that the power of WORD or THOUGHT, or am I just a freak? Has anyone noticed that something like this happens regularly? I used to think these are just coincidences, but time has passed and more often what I say or think comes true.



I thought I'll throw few of them here, too. To delay writing stuff I absolutely do not want to (university projects), I kept myself busy with new Jensen Ackles icon "production"



(for more icons check my livejournal - [link] the one I keep for no obvious reason )

15.11.2009.
They usually check for cameras and when they didn't check this time, of course, I didn't have mine with me. Big Fat FUCK for that. So I don't have any pictures or videos.
The weirdest thing is that they didn't let me in with the spikes on. For the first time in my life. When I asked: "And where am I supposed to put these? Throw them away?" Guys answered: "Well, yeah." C'mon! Thanks to my brother's girlfriend's crazy ideas we hid my accessories in the bushes and later picked them up. LOL Like I'm going to throw away any of my stuff. Doh. In their dreams.

Oh besides I got interviewed. About me being a fan and blah blah. Later (as always) I was like - Damn, why I didn't say that and I should have said this - but well, whatever, I was quite excited about this interviewing thing. You know, I never have interviews. I've never even had a proper job interview. lol

The concert itself was... lovely. If you can say lovely about something that involves lot of spitting, swearing, imitating of masturbation, bible burning and stuff like that. Anyway, it rocked but was very short, though. Manson's a fun guy, and the funniest moment for me was to see him wrapped in Latvia's flag 'cause hey, about year ago people got almost arrested here for throwing tiny Latvia's flags in the trash bins after the demonstrations (national symbols should be respected, you know), and now someone lets Manson use our flag as, I don't know, a towel? lol
Anyway, it was very important for me to see him and his band live, especially so close. (Glad I had a fan zone ticket. If I were somewhere far from the stage, I wouldn't have seen a shit because the arena didn't have the big screens, how lame!) Manson stepped down even 3 or 4 times and walked pass me, and I would touched his extended hand if those damn people weren't pushing me around so much. (Why do people act so crazy? Don't they have any self-respect that they must run screaming whenever they see their idol coming near and on their way they're happy to kill others like me? ) Anyway, what difference would that make? I just had to see what an ordinary man he is, all flesh and blood (not that I doubted he's an earthly creature ), and I can have a disclosure now after these long 11 years. Movin' on.

One more thing - I usually say I'm too arrogant to go all screaming and squealing at concerts and I really NEVER do that but this time I just couldn't help it. Dunno why it felt like the last concert I'm attending. I screamed my guts out. And the funny thing is that I realized I know all the lyrics by heart, except for few new album's songs. But honestly, I haven't listened to MM for like at least 4-5 years. How in the world I can remember lyrics for so long when, for example, I don't remember a word I've heard in class in the moment I get home. Must be hypnosis. lol

Usually I'm one darn unlucky person. Not that I have a bad luck all the time, it's just there's no luck at all. But finally my persistence worked.
For freakin' 11 years I've waited for Marilyn Manson to come to my country. Yes, I could have seen him before but I'm not much for a traveler. So finally he'll be here on November 15, and although I'm no longer the biggest fan of his as I was when I was a teen, it still makes me go all *squeeee*

Ok, the luck thing is that I finally won 2 tickets in the fan zone. YAY! I can't believe I actually got something for almost nothing. The only problem is that I have already bought the ticket.



Anyway, that up there was just a stupid intro because I never tell anything about myself here (not that someone cares lol), but here goes the main part...
I promised lot of my friends the features in my journal but I had no time, and I actually have no time now either, but friends are friends. And now I've forgotten who I promised the features to. So, I'll try feature the most of you in the next months. Promise.

Kitties... I adore kitties...
by by

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Paintings and drawings...
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and little bjd people...
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(update it another day )

I wanted to write something, but I forgot what was that. Lately my mind is so full with thoughts that I forget even my name and age.

OK, I know it's a bit too late, but I wanted to say BIG THANKS to for drawing my OC Tera, and doing an awesome job on it.


So I figured that could be my featured artist. Her works are fantastic and her drawing style's original. I've never been good at traditional arts, so I admire her deeply. Besides she's an amazing person, so check her out.

here's some of my favorites:

I'll be gone for a week or more, so I won't be able to reply to your messages and comments. Don't think I don't love you anymore, because I do, I appreciate your support and friendship, my friends.

I'm going for a camping/hiking trip. Into the Wild. lol If insects don't kill me, jelly fish don't burn my skin off and the sea doesn't wash me away while I'm swimming drunk, then I'll be back and spamming again.



and my favorite song that surely will follow me in my head (for I won't take music with me, I will definitely die because of lack of music) - Skumju Akmeņi "Man pieder ceļš". (I didn't translate it fully correct, more like an improvisation I usually do.)

man pieder ceļš
ko ziedi klāj un ceriņi
un miruši guļ taureņi
pie mana slēgtā loga
un bezgalīgās debesīs
baudījuši brīvi
daudzkrāsainie putni
pie manām kājām krīt

man pieder ceļš
caur pamestu parku
tur dzīvo eņģeļi
kas klusumu kas klusumu sargā
un ja mēs tuvāk ejam
tad sadzirdēt var
kā klusas melodijas
tie dzied, tie dzied aiz vientulības

es paceļu no zemes
aklo taureni
un mācos saprast sevī
nebūtību nolemtību

es klausos aklā vīrā
līdz nedzirdu neko
un mācos saprast sevī nebūtību nolemtību

the road belongs to me
the one covered by flowers and lilacs
and the butterflies lie dead
next to my shut closed window
and in the endless skies
the colorful birds once enjoyed the freedom flights
now they fall down next to my feet

the road belongs to me
the one through the abandoned parks
the angels dwell there
the ones that guard the silent light
and if we come a little closer
we can hear the silent melodies
they sing because of loneliness

I lift up from the ground
the blind butterfly
and try to understand inside me
the nothingness
the fatality

I listen to the blind man
until I can hear nothing anymore
and I try to understand inside me
the nothingness
the fatality